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17. Road

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The lizard people and the one owl person were huddled together next to an empty highway. Aside from the road, there were no signs of civilization in any direction.

“All right, chaps,” said the lizard with a Cockney accent. “That loser with the golf club is on a bus on route to Heaven’s Head. That bus will drive right past us any minute now.” He began to pace back in forth in front of the others, who watched him with the upmost reverence.

“Now, I know we got ourselves beat up pretty bad last time, loves,” he continued. But that can be chalked up to what we in the business call ‘Stupid Dumb Nerd Gets Lucky Cause We’re Too Cool For School.’ But this is the time for us to fight back. The Grumblegator is counting on us! We will be victorious!”

The owl person raised his hand meekly. “But Boss,” he began. “Didn’t the Grumblegator order the Mother to handle the kid?”

The boss lizard nodded. “That is correct,” he answered.

The owl person was hesitant to continue. “And didn’t the Grumblegator also tell us to stand down, because he said we were ‘mostly useless?'”

“You make an excellent point, Alan. A DAMN EXCELLENT POINT!”

The owl person sheepishly looked at the ground. “I’m just thinking, and maybe it’s just me, but it might be best if we listened to the Grumblegator.”

The boss lizard snorted. “Alan,” he said. “Sometimes I lay awake at night with rage over the fact that I wasn’t born with your keen sense of judgment! If you think we should stand down, then you can be DAMN SURE that your wishes will be treated with the proper respect!”

Alan took a panicked step back. “Well, hey, don’t listen to me, I don’t know, I was just saying. If everyone else wants to stop the kid here, then I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“Are you sure?” asked the boss lizard.

The owl person looked back down at his feet. “Um, I guess so.”

“Okay,” the boss lizard decided. “We’ll continue with the plan, but only as long as you’re happy.” He looked to the other lizard people. “Okay guys, let’s get in formation!”

The lizard people and the one owl person trotted onto the road. They began to climb onto each other’s shoulders and arranged themselves into pyramid formation with the boss lizard at the top. In the far distance, he could make out the vague shape of the bus.

“Right, blokes,” he shouted down to the others. “When I give the signal, extend your arms forward. We are going to stop this bus! This kid is going to regret he ever met us. Can you tell me why?”

The others chanted in unison. “BECAUSE WE ARE RYAN’S SPECIAL DREAMBOAT OO-RAH!”

“That’s right, mates,” the boss lizard said, beaming with pride. The bus was approaching rapidly, and he was ready to stop it.

The bus driver thought she heard a thump but figured it must have been a passenger inside the bus. She failed to notice the mangled pile of mutants in the rear-view mirror as she continued speeding towards Heaven’s Head.


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